Why Coaching?

As I have mentioned in many other blogs, I have had a lot of experience being in therapy since a young age. Therapy was the right thing for me when I needed it the most. And when I didn’t need it the most, it became a great tool for me to use when life happened. Sometimes I did not have control over it.

I did continue with therapy after everything was okay. Why? Because talking to someone reassured me, because being listened to made me feel valued, because having an action plan made me feel safe, and because being shown the right tools made my life worth living in spite of the constant ups and downs.

Of course, because I felt it was so beneficial, I assumed everybody wanted to be in therapy. But I found out that was not the case. Not everybody liked talking about their deepest thoughts, and that is fine too.

When I got in this adventure of opening my own business as a life coach, I experienced something totally new. My clients were telling me how well they were feeling, not only in their goals but also in their health, in their relationships, etc. What took me by surprise was that I also was feeling the benefits of coaching, even being in the other side. I had better health, better relationships, and better awareness.

I thought, “What if I find myself a coach?” I was jealous of my clients; I wanted someone too! So my journey to find the right coach for me started. It took time, but it was worth it. I found a coach in Costa Rica. She was gentle but strong. She was inspiring. She lived by example, and most importantly, she was real. So why not to invest in myself, right? That is what I ask my clients to do.

I sent the money where she was, in spite of my fears of possibly losing my investment. And bam…we started. I had no idea what I was getting with this coach. This coach who also was a health coach, who studied organic nutrition, who trained with Tony Robbins, who knew about Neuro Linguistic, who was trained by the personal doctor of the Dalai Lama, etc. etc. What kind of coach is this? I did not hire her for her certifications but for her heart. She is who I call a Meta-Coach.

My journey with her has been amazing. I try to connect with her every week, and when it does not happen, I can feel the difference in my life. My level of awareness is now even higher, and with that, I have become a better mom, a better wife, a better friend, a better coach and a better entrepreneur.

When I was in my 4^th session with her, I received the most devastating news: my coach had had an accident. A bad one! I struggled to understand why her? What does this mean? I used all my prayers and all my energy to send her way. We prayed with my spiritual group and my family. Her recovery was a miracle as many have described it, her strength mind-blowing, and the most beautiful thing is that she is willing to be herself and honest of her journey.

After a few weeks, she has not just been a great coach, but she is using everything she learned to heal herself. I remember particularly she using all the tools that Dr. Joe Dispenza used with himself, and what she learned from him she took to the highest level. When she was able to coach again, we set our final session. And I couldn’t believe her progress; I witnessed the miracle of Yerlin Ramirez.

Her story is not mine to tell. Now after working with her, I call her my friend. I am hoping for her to come to Denver so we can all benefit from her meta-coaching training. If only 5 hours with her gave me so many benefits, I can’t imagine more than 20 hours in her seminar.

A coach is for everybody; anyone can benefit from one. Like I always say, make sure you choose the right one, the one that resonates with you, the one that makes your TrueSelf thrive. Wait for my news to see when we can all work together with my coach. If we can’t all go to Costa Rica, I guess we can bring her here.

Cheers to her!

Me

Yerlin’s website: www.yerlinramirez.com

Yerlin’s fb page: www.facebook.com/YerlinRamirezCoach/

My website: www.balancemytrueself.com

My fb page: www.facebook.com/balancemytrueself

Let’s talk about the shooting

Wednesday February 14, 2018 was an exciting morning for many like me that enjoy Valentine’s Day. Having a son in 4^th grade, we had to get all of our stuff ready to give to other kids for a special day of love and friendship. What an ironic day, since that was exactly the day that there was yet another shooting in a school, this time in Florida.

The Winter Olympics were on that Valentine’s Day, so why not turn on the TV and watch these amazing people jumping, skiing and doing all these things I am not going to do. While watching, the fun part was interrupted by the disturbing news of the school shooting. Yes, again.

It has been years now that I consciously made the decision that watching news doesn’t bring anything good to me. So what I do now is if the news make its way to me, I first ask: “Can I watch this with an open heart?”

Again, listening and watching the same thing over and over. Every time there is a school shooting, we all get upset, sad, and scared. Some people pray, others complain, some get angry, and we all start looking for whom to blame. In the end, we are all humans, and the majority look for a place to blame and how this could have been prevented.

Let me tell you what I think, my humble opinion. If you don’t like it, I understand. You are welcome to stop reading, you are welcome to keep reading and get upset, or just ignore it completely.

The school shootings will continue, not just at schools but in all places. Let’s all take responsibility, and yes, all this nonsense violence starts with us. We only remember to be one with the community when crap happens. We all remember to hug our kids and tell them how much we love them when we see this crap happening. But when this shit (let’s call it for what it is) is not happening, we decide to look the other way instead of helping our brothers and sisters. We become busy parents, where sports and academics become so important, that we forget to tell our kids and teach them about kindness; that starts with them and at home. We allow our iPads to become babysitters instead of putting the glass of wine down and playing something with our children. We decide just to say, “Well, they are teens, and that’s how it is,” instead of asking our teens, “Why are you this way? Is this really you?”

It feels that our world needs this reminder, the pain in the world, for us to think even about taking action, to hug our kids, to be kind to others. And because we don’t do it naturally yet, we will have more pain. So how do we stop this? This is a weed; they keep growing no matter how many times we cut them. So let’s start from the root, the cause; why the hell do we have this? Is this actually new? Or has this always happened, just in other places but we didn’t know? Or we didn’t care?

As I learned in one of my suicide seminars, suicide can happen to anyone. I believe also that insanity can happen to anyone. This can happen to all of us, regardless of our kindness, our money, our degrees, our parents So let’s start with how one can become this insane? Mental health issues or a lot of pain in your life? Or is it that a lot of pain in your life can lead you to mental health issues? I don’t know. I have even thought, “What if my kid is who perpetrated such a horrendous action?”

I confess that when I was watching the new version of the movie It that I really enjoyed how those bullies got killed in a painful way. They deserved it, right? It was just a movie. I also confess that when I used to get cut off while driving I would sometimes fantasize how the other driver would get in an accident and die in a painful way. I confess that when I am angry at my husband, I literally think for 2 minutes that I would be better off without him.

I have been abused and bullied, but did I turn into a maniac? No, I did not. Did I want revenge? Yes, I did. But I think the love of my family, the support of my psychologist and coaches, and being allowed to talk out all my feelings was a blessing. Bad emotions kill you inside. Those emotions make you sick, not just mentally but physically too. I can’t imagine how my life would have been if I would not have had that support when I needed it the most. I had to learn how to control my emotions, talk about them and do the work of healing.

Unfortunately, not everybody comes to this world with an amazing family like I did. I always felt love at home, even when I felt rejected out of the home. I can’t imagine what it would be like to be abused and bullied all your life with nobody to turn to. Those people that are bullied are terrorized by others. And what do we want to do to terrorists? Yeah, exactly. We want them gone. So how can we avoid other people terrorizing others? Fear, and then that leads us to anger, and the vicious circle never ends.

“Terror” is a big word, but that is literally what we feel. And how do we start terrorizing someone? We start with judging first, with lack of respect, thinking that we are better than others. Lack of love, lack of kindness, lack of loving ourselves. We live in a such a hypocritical society. All this mess starts with us.

Don’t get confused: I am not making excuses for the people who kill or hurt others. For me it is about the roots, about love, about respect, about not judging, about treating others as you would like to be treated, about healing from the inside out. Imagine if we start like that from the beginning, and I mean from the beginning, I really think we could just avoid so much pain in the world. That is just my humble opinion.

But wait! We are a little bit late about starting from the beginning. We are so distracted with what is not important that we won’t do anything about it, and since we are not changing from the roots, and since we are not changing the way we act, and since we keep judging, this will keep happening.

We are the masters of judgement. We are so easy to see the problem in the other person, in those people’s kids. What about our kids? Do we really know what they are feeling or thinking? Or texting or watching? Or are we afraid of going against their privacy? Are we afraid of setting boundaries? Or are we brave enough for us to say what we really think?

I am not a person that would have a gun. Probably the only way I would have a gun is if my life were threatened directly by a person. But otherwise, if you give me a gun now, it would be dangerous, because if I get my two-minute crazy day, it could get ugly, or maybe not, but why would I take that risk? Unfortunately, we are living in a world where shootings are real. Often, I think, “What if there is a shooting in a place where I am? What would I do? What if the gun ends up near me? Can I even use it against that bad person? Not really.” So I have decided to take lessons on handling a gun safely and learn how to use it. Would this class guarantee that nothing would happen to me? Unfortunately not, but it makes me feel better.

I also have been thinking lately about how naïve is my son. Most parents prefer not to show the ugly part of the world to their kids, and I understand. It is a very uncomfortable conversation. Some parents go even further on protecting them from whatever is uncomfortable for their kids. And that is ok. I respect and not judge those parents. But in my experience, learning about the ugliness of the world from a young age taught me to develop certain skills, taught me to protect myself if I ever was in a situation of ugliness, and taught me not to think that my life was over because something awful happened, so I will be talking to my kid about that very soon.

You don’t know my kid, but I am sure that if my kid ends up in a shooting, he won’t react quickly. He won’t think about where he can hide. Would I be ruining his life because I am talking to him about that? I don’t think so. I was taught when I was a kid many things that American kids would have never been taught: how to protect my windows from a bomb, how to be aware of what is going around me, where to hide, how to survive, and how we still have other options after a terrible thing happens. Would this talk with my kid guarantee that nothing bad would happen to him? Unfortunately not, but it would make me feel better. As we have talked about drugs, sex, suicide and body safety rules, it is time for me to talk about safety rules in a war zone.

Oh God, this blog is so long that I am even tired of reading it, so I don’t blame you if you are already done. But this is more about me, about me getting all these words out, trying to understand the non-understandable, trying to make sense of the nonsense, trying to protect what can’t be protected. It does not matter for me how much I pray, how much I march, how much I call our congress, if I vote for another president, how much I blame others and how much I blame myself. For me, it is about taking my TrueSelf action: teaching my kid about love and respect all the time, not just when something bad happens. And not just teaching him, but also being the best role model for him and for others. To be part of the solution and not part of the problem. To care about someone for who they really are and not for what they have or look like.

So, while I am trying to take all these action steps in my everyday life, like learning how to use a gun, telling my son what to do in the event of a shooting, not to judge, to lead by example, I also fail every day, especially at home with my close ones. An important talk is coming to my house, an uncomfortable one. I want to make sure my kid knows that if he hears even a joke about someone coming to the school to harm or even kill others, he needs to speak up and that we will be there for him to guide him. I am trying my best to talk to other parents, to get to know them so that we can encourage and support each other in making a stronger community regardless of our differences.

Good for those who march, for those who pray, for those who call congress, for those who vote, but that is not me; I take action another way. I start at home very, very strong, even when I fail, I have talked to my school to raised concern, I have talk to other parents, I offer to volunteer to start or help with a program about selflove at the school. We are all in this fight, I won’t be taking my son out of school because I have the hope that won’t be happening in his school. At the same time, I know it can happen anywhere, anytime.  It is my hope that won’t happen again at all. It is my humble hope that we can change as a society.

There is no proper way to end this long, boring blog because I have so much to say that I have not said, but this blog has to end at some point. All I can say to end this is that life coaching has proven what I already knew, that all suffering and struggle comes from the inside, comes from our past, and the past of our parents. And whatever resentment we have hurts us emotionally and physically. Sometimes we are so caught up in the future that we forget our present, our gift of the now. Don’t let the guilt, the shame, or the negative reaction hurt someone or yourself. We all are trying, I hope all, to take action in whatever way we feel comfortable. Look inside your home before judging other homes, look inside your kids before judging other kids. Give your kids the gift of failure because they will gain great teachings from it, and we will fail together, and we will win together in this journey that we were chosen to live. Speak, listen, love, be grateful, have hope, and prepare just in case, because not everybody speaks, listens, loves or is grateful or has hope.

Focus your thoughts in what you want to attract; remember they are powerful. Focus on love. Everything I will do can be done because of fear or love. I choose to do things because of love. What can you do today to take your TrueSelf action based on love?

When A Book Speaks To You

For Christmas 2017, we decided to take a road trip, Denver, Colorado to Attica, Indiana. I spent Christmas there with my family. The next day, my husband and son went to Wisconsin to visit family. One of my Christmas gifts was a book. According to my husband, I asked for it. To be honest, I do not recall. But there it was, my book How to Win friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. A few people told me that is a classic book and that I would enjoy it, especially because of my life coaching business.

After my family left to Wisconsin, I tried to read it. I was eager to start, but the conversation in the house in which I stayed kept going. Every time I wanted to start, my two aunts started talking, and I would get distracted right away. I thought, “It must not be the right time for me to read it yet.” Last night I read the introduction and went to bed; later the next day, I tried to get in the first chapter, but again I was quickly distracted.

My husband and son have been gone now for two days. I am a big texting person. I love giving attention to my two favorite men and love getting attention from them. When I don’t get that attention, I don’t feel loved. Being aware of that is just a feeling and understanding that they don’t love in the same way I do. I keep telling myself, “Mary, just let them be.” I texted many times and sent cute pictures to them, and nothing. I decided to take it personally and let my emotions control me. I sent a text criticizing my husband and son on why they were not answering, and I sent many texts just to bother them.

It was time for bed, and I decided it was time to stop being a victim. Just keep in mind that this kind of attitude would have lasted very long if I were not as aware as I usually am. This period of being a victim lasted just a few minutes. But still, I was impressed how I still let this illusion of not feeling love and seeing come to me. But oh well, I am human. So I accepted this emotion and decided to just continue to read my gift.

I finally started to read the first chapter. I was not thrilled; there was a lot of history in there, and I really didn’t care about it. But I continued. Then it became more interesting as it started to literally speak to me. The whole first chapter was about not criticizing because it would cause resentment. It also said not to punish because it really did not make the other change. It also said not to try to change others but to start with yourself instead.

It is obvious for me now why before was not the right time to read it: it had to be now, during my victimization, during my low self-love episode, during not being my TrueSelf. As I finished the first chapter, my heart came to peace, and I let go of whatever was bothering me. So far what I am loving about this book (and I just started it) is that it gives you specific instructions to read: master the principles of the book, read a chapter twice before you go to the next one, ask questions, underline the important parts, etc.

What a great book to come at the right time for me! So, my first focus is to not criticize, condemn or complain. Hopefully, I can read this first chapter again. This time I will find a pen to underline. It is time for me to continue on this journey of self-growth so I can keep my TrueSelf in check, so I can enjoy life, so I can create the reality I deserve.

I am so grateful for this level of awareness. I am so grateful for these moments of not being my TrueSelf, because they take me to the next step, finding myself again.

Be aware

Me

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Rebelde o mi Verdadero Yo

Estar presente y ser visible fueron parte de mí siempre. Tuve mucha suerte de estar rodeada de una familia bella y afortunada de haber tenido mis problemas los cuales me llevaron donde estoy ahora. Este camino que escogí antes de venir a este mundo no fue siempre fácil, pero fue el camino que escogí, y hasta ahora digo que valió la pena.

Algunas personas podrían decir que fui una niña rebelde, con lo cual no estoy de acuerdo. Yo siempre me comporte bien y en realidad nunca me metía en problemas. Obedecía las reglas si es que sonaban bien para mí. Mi opinión de un niño rebelde era alguien que desobedecía de una manera irrespetuosa y que no quería escuchar lo que otros tenían que decir o hacer lo opuesto. Ahora que pienso sobre eso, todo eso lo hice, pero por razones diferentes. Los invito a leer algunas de mis razones, mis porqués y mi vida.

Cuando yo era muy joven, mi mama me puso en muchas clases, no estoy segura si era para entretenerme o para saber bastante, todo lo que recuerdo es que tome muchos programas: clases de dibujo, de ballet, de flauta, de xilófono, piano, cocina, etc.

No me acuerdo de la edad exacta, pero recuerdo que estaba joven y tenia una clase de dibujo donde la profesora puso en el medio de la mesa un plátano, una manzana y otras frutas en una vasija. Ella nos dio instrucciones de como dibujar. Empecé a dibujar y la verdad que no era divertido. ¿Quién quería dibujar eso? ¡Yo no! Asi que tome la decisión de dibujar un paisaje que tenia en mi mente: montanas, arboles, flores, todo felicidad. Unos minutos mas tarde, la profesora vino y me dijo que no estaba bien. Este escenario sucedió a menudo hasta que le hablaron a mi mama y le dijeron que tal vez esa clase no era una buena clase para mí. Mi mama trato de convencerme de seguir las instrucciones, pero yo muy educadamente decía que no, porque no tenia sentido para mi hacer algo que no quería hacer. ¿Por qué era un problema tener a una niña en esa clase que no estaba siguiendo las instrucciones? Al parecer el problema era que los otros niños querían hacer lo mismo que yo y hacer lo que ellos querían también, lo cual yo pensé que era excelente, pero no para la profesora. Asi que, no más clase de dibujo.

Después, mi mama quería que aprenda piano. La familia solía decir, “miren, ella tiene dedos largos y flacos”. Por alguna razón, ellos pensaron que yo tenia dedos de pianista. Asi que unos meses mas tarde, tuve un tutor privado que iba a mi casa y me enseñaba como tocar piano. Que clase tan aburrida para mi. El pobre hombre trato de enseñarme, pero al parecer yo no era enseñable. Yo no quería aprender así y solo quería divertirme. La clase se mejoro cuando mi abuelita se unió, y nosotras bailábamos con las canciones que el profesor tocaba para nosotras, hasta que un día mi mama nos agarró bailando y divirtiéndonos. Después de cierto tiempo, el profesor le dijo a mi mama que yo me reusaba a seguir sus instrucciones, asi que no mas clases de piano.

Cuando la época de navidad llegaba, yo no estaba muy contenta. Tenia que participar cada año en un nacimiento vivo con la iglesia. Yo no quería hacer eso, pero mi abuelita decía,” por favor hazlo. Es solo una vez, y así ayudamos a la señora que organiza todo esto.” Imagínense si las clases de pintura eran aburridas para mí, cualquier cosa que tenia que ver con la iglesia era el mismo infierno para mí. Asi que después de unos años de actuar como los ángeles, la virgen, los 3 reyes, finalmente llego el tiempo de decir ya no.

Para aquellas personas que no saben mucho de Perú, mi país, tiene todo tipo de gente bella, de diferentes colores y tamaños. Por alguna razón, cuando yo era una niña y también parte de mi vida adulta yo sentía que la socioeconomía y la manera de verse era muy importante alrededor mio. Asi que, como muchos peruanos, se suponía que tenia que andar con gente “como yo” o “de mejor apariencia que yo” o con “mas dinero”. Los padres no solo decían que tenias que andar con gente así, pero se esperaba que hagas eso. Yo hasta recuerdo a mi familia que trataba de que yo sea amiga de unas chicas blancas y con dinero, pero no por eso, sino porque ellas eran las nietas de la amiga de mi abuelita. Yo juro que intente, pero literalmente era el mismo resultado de cuando trataba de hacer algo que no quería. Finalmente, mi familia se rindió y decidió ya no decirme quien o quien no debería ser mis amigos.

Cuando yo tenía 10 años, tuve mi primera fiesta de cumpleaños. No sé porque nunca había querido celebrar mi cumpleaños, pero esta vez era especial. Yo tenia una amiga de mi colegio que era de color. Yo no era tan formal, así que yo decía mi amiga la negrita. Yo estaba tan entusiasmada que había invitado a esta amiga, ella era la única amiga negra que yo tenía, y yo estaba super orgullosa de eso. (recuerden solo tenía 10 años) algunas personas me dijeron, “estas segura que la quieres en tu fiesta? Tal vez algunas personas de tu familia o amistades se sentirían un poco incomodas si es que ella esta allí”, no solo porque ella era negra, pero también porque su mama vendía fruta en el mercado local. ¿Me están bromeando no? Así que con eso yo decidí que mi amiga la negrita sea mi invitada especial. (mi amiga no sabia nada). Cuando mi fiesta empezó, me asegure que cada persona allí supiera que ella estaba ahí, que la saludaran, y al final el plan era llevarla a su casa, aunque ella viviera en un vecindario que tenia mala reputación. No me importo, y mi familia me apoyo.

Con todos estos ejemplos, ustedes pueden decidir si yo era rebelde o solo estaba siendo mi verdadero yo. Unos piensan que yo era rebelde porque tenia que respetar los sentimientos de otros. Para mi yo estaba siendo yo. Estaba haciendo lo que pensé que era correcto, enfocándome en lo más importante para mi, como ser amable, traer alegría y poner el buen ejemplo. Tener esta personalidad no fue fácil y todavía no lo es. No encajaba en muchos grupos, y he perdido amistades debido a ello. Y aunque no lo crean, todavía sigue sucediendo. Pero estoy dispuesta a lidiar con las consecuencias de ser mi verdadero yo porque fui creada para serlo, para vivirlo, y respirarlo.

Ahora me doy cuenta de que algunas personas que a menudo hicieron lo que la sociedad esperaba de ellos, sabiendo muy por dentro que eso no era lo mejor, no son felices, no están viviendo en su mayor potencial y el miedo maneja sus vidas. Yo ame quien soy y en quien me convertí. Mi mama me dijo muchas veces que, si,que a veces esto era inconveniente para ella cuando tenia mis opiniones bien marcadas, pero ella también me dijo que estaba orgullosa por no dejar que el miedo maneje mi vida.

Ser tu verdadero yo no es fácil a veces. Mientras mas te importa lo que otros piensan de ti, más difícil será ser tu mismo. Pero el resultado final vale la pena. Probablemente vivirás tu vida desde un lugar de amor mas que miedo. Tu atraerás la magia del mundo solo porque eres tu verdadero yo. Tendrás tanta gente increíble a tu alrededor solo porque atraerás lo que tu eres. El estrés será reducido solo porque te estarás enfocando en lo que es realmente importante. La vida te autocorregirá para hacerte ser tu verdadero yo, te guste o no. A veces esas autocorrecciones vienen con experiencias buenas y a veces no.

Vivir una vida de propósito puede ser un poco difícil. Estamos tan distraídos con nuestra vida diaria. Si conoces a alguien, o tu mismo estas listo para transformarte, y listo para el próximo nivel de tu vida, no te olvides que estoy aquí para apoyarte a lo largo del camino. Donde sea que estés, podemos trabajar juntos gracias a la tecnología maravillosa que tenemos para disfrutar diariamente. No esperes por tu wake up call (llamada de atención). No esperes por el momento correcto. Ese momento es ahora. Contáctame si estas interesado.

Siéntete orgulloso de tu verdadero yo

Yo

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Rebellious or TrueSelf?

Being present and being visible was always a part of me. I was very fortunate to be around a beautiful family and fortunate to have my struggles that took me where I am now. This journey that I picked before coming into this world was not always easy, but it was the journey I picked, and so far I say that it was worth it.

Some people would say that I was a rebellious child, which a totally disagree with. I always had good manners and really did not get in trouble too much. I obeyed the rules if they sounded smart to me. My personal opinion of a rebellious kid was someone who disobeyed in a disrespectful manner and did not want to hear what others had to say or would always do the opposite. Now that I think about it, I did all that actually but for very different reasons. I invite you to read some of my reasons, my whys and my life.

When I was very young, my mom put me in many lessons, not sure if it was to be entertained or to know a lot, but all I remember is that I took several programs: drawing classes, ballet, flute, xylophone, piano, cooking, etc.

I don’t remember the exact age, but I remember being young and had a drawing class where the teacher put in the middle of the table a banana, an apple, and other fruits in a bowl. She gave us instructions on how to draw them. I started to draw them, but it was not fun. Who wanted to draw that? Not me! So, I made the decision to draw a scene that I had in my head: mountains, trees, flowers, all happiness. A few minutes later, the teacher came and said that it was not okay. This scenario would happen often until they talked to my mom and told her that maybe that class was not a good fit for me. My mom tried to convince me to follow the instructions, but I would politely say no because it did not make sense for me to do something I really did not want to do. Why was it that terrible to have a child in this class that was not following instructions? It looked like the problem was that other kids wanted to copy me and do what they wanted too, which I thought was great, but not for the teacher. So no more drawing classes.

Later on, my mom really wanted me to learn piano. The family said, “Oh look, she has long, skinny fingers.” For whatever reason, they thought I had pianist hands. So months later, I had a private tutor who came to my house and taught me how to play piano. What a boring class for me. The poor guy tried to teach me, but I guess I was unteachable. I did not want to learn that way and just wanted to have fun. The class got better when my grandma joined us, and we would dance to the song that the teacher would play until one day my mom caught us dancing and having a great time. A little while after, the teacher said that I refused to follow his instructions so no more piano classes.

When Christmas time came, it was not that exciting for me. I had to participate every year in a live nativity thing with the church. I did not want to do that, but my grandma would say, “Please do it. “It is just once, and that way we helped the lady who organized all that.” Imagine if drawing classes were boring for me, whatever had to do with the church was hell for me. So, after a few years playing the angels, the virgin, and the 3 wise men, finally it was my time to say no more.

For those that don’t know much about Peru, my country, it has all kinds of beautiful people, all colors and shapes. For whatever reason, I felt that socioeconomics and the way you look was very important around me when I was a kid and through my adult life. So, as many Peruvians, I was supposed to hang out with people “like me” or “better looking” or with “more money”. Parents really would not say only to have friends like this and that, but it was expected. I even remember my family trying to make me be friends with these girls (white and with money) not because of that but just because they were the grandkids of my grandma’s friends. I swear to God that I tried, but it was literally the same outcome that my other attempts to do something that I did not want to do. Finally, my family gave up trying to tell me who should be my friends or not.

When I was 10 years old, I had my first birthday party. I don’t know why I never wanted to celebrate my birthday, but this time was special. I had a friend from my school that was of color. I was not that polite, so I called her my black friend. I was so excited that I invited this girl; she was the only black friend I had, and I was so proud of it. (Mind you I was just turning 10.) A few people said to me, “Are you sure you want her at your party? Maybe some people of your family or friends would feel a little uncomfortable if she is there”, not only because she was black, but also because her mom sold fruit at the local market. Really? So with that said, I decided to make my black friend the special guest of my party (my friend did not know this). When my party started, I made sure every single person there acknowledged her, said hi to her, and at the end the plan was to take her to her home, even if she lived in a neighborhood that had a bad reputation. I did not care, and my family supported me.

With all these examples, you can decide if I was being rebellious or my TrueSelf. Some think I was rebellious because I had to respect other peoples’ feelings. For me I was being my TrueSelf. I was doing what I thought were the right things focusing on the most important thing for me, being kind, bringing joy and being a good example. Having this personality was not easy and still is not easy. I did not fit in many groups, and I have lost friends. Believe it or not, that still happens now. But I am willing to deal with the consequences of being my TrueSelf because I was created to be it, to live it, to breathe it.

Now I realize that those people who often did what society expected to, knowing very deeply that was not the best, are not happy, are not living to their fullest potential and fear drives their lives. I love who I was and who I have become. My mom told me several times that it was sometimes inconvenient for her when I had my very strong opinions, but she also said she was very proud of me for not letting fear drive my life.

Being your TrueSelf is not easy sometimes. The more you care about what others say, the more difficult it will be to be you. But the outcome is so worth it. You probably will live your life more from a place of love than fear. You will attract the magic of the world just because you are your TrueSelf. You will have so many amazing people around you just because likes attracts likes. Stress will be reduced just because you focus on what is really important. Life will autocorrect your life to make you be your TrueSelf, whether you like it or not. Sometimes those autocorrections come in nice experiences and other times not.

To live a life of purpose can be tricky. We are so distracted with our everyday life. If you know someone or you yourself are ready to transform, and ready to take your life to the next level, don’t forget that I am here to support you through your journey. Wherever you are, we can work together thanks to the amazing technology we get to enjoy on a daily basis. Don’t wait for a wakeup call. Don’t wait for the right time. The time is now. Contact me if you are interested.

Be proud of your TrueSelf

Me

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A Mi Padre Ausente

A él le digo gracias. A él le digo que la vida es maravillosa para mí. A él le digo que estoy contenta porque existió y estoy agradecida por él. Por qué estaría yo agradecida por tener un padre ausente?

Cuando mi mama era joven (digamos que en sus 20’s), empezó a salir con mi papa; un hombre profesional que no estaba disponible. Ellos se enamoraron y tuvieron una relación prohibida y de ese amor nací yo.

Mi increíble madre (como la he mencionado antes en otros blogs) sabia la posición en la que ella estaba y en la que él estaba. Ellos trataron de ser parte de mi vida, pero como todos sabemos hacer malabares con dos familias no funciona, así que mi mama lo dejo ir. Ella lo dejo ir sin odio y sin apegos. Ellos decidieron que el podía ser parte de mi vida desde la distancia.

Solo imagínense si mi papa hubiese estado disponible y listo para empezar una familia con mi mama; mi vida no sería lo que es ahora. Es increíble como nuestras vidas son formadas con cada una de las decisiones de nuestros padres y después nuestras propias decisiones. Si mi papa hubiese estado presente, me imagino que hubiésemos vivido en una casa grande. Tal vez hubiese tenido hermanos. Probablemente hubiese visitado a mi abuelita y a mi tía en pocas ocasiones porque ellas vivían lejos. Hubiese ido a muy buenas escuelas. Hubiese tenido a toda una nueva familia por su lado.

Pero no, ese no fue el caso. Debido a su ausencia, muchas cosas pasaron. Mi mamá decidió vivir independiente.  Ella tuvo que continuar trabajando y contratar a una persona para que me cuide. Esta persona no fue buena conmigo por lo que mi mamá tuvo que sacrificar su independencia y nos tuvimos que mudar a la casa de mi abuelita y mi tía.

Ustedes seguro piensan que terrible no haber tenido un padre, que terrible habernos tenido que mudar porque mi niñera me traumatizó (hice un blog acerca de eso), que terrible tener que lidiar con todo lo que vino como consecuencia de eso.  Pero una cosa que si se y estoy muy segura, es que sin mi pasado, yo no seria quien soy ahora.

Gracias papá. Porque gracia s a ti, mi mamá se tuvo que mudar y me hizo pasar mis próximos 20 años de mi vida con una familia más grande, mi abuelita y mi tía. No tengo palabras para describir a mi abuelita y a mi tía. Nosotras estuvimos bendecidas por tenerlas, y también bendecida por tener un padre ausente.

Empecemos con mi abuelita. Ella era la persona más inteligente que he conocido hasta ahora. Qué pena que no pensaba de esa manera antes. Ella miraba al mundo con ojos de amor, compasión y gozo. Ella creía en el bien de las personas y reaccionaba a los problemas en maneras hermosas. Ella nuca tuvo una palabra mala por decir de nadie, ella era un ángel. Ella era graciosa, y estaba feliz. Ella amaba a su familia con mucho poder. Ella me enseño el poder del amor. Ella fue un gran ejemplo para mí y para muchos. Ahora ella ya no está con nosotros, pero cuando estuvo, fue divertido cuando ella me cuidaba y divertido cuando me toco a mi cuidar de ella. Gracias papá por estar ausente para poder vivir con mi abuelita maravillosa.

Ahora continuemos con otra maravillosa mujer en mi vida, mi tía. Que puedo decir acerca de ella. Ella todavía está con nosotros y sigue siendo una tía excelente. Para serles honesta, ella no era solo una tía, ella era como una hermana mayor para mí. Me engreía tanto que a veces mi mamá no estaba de acuerdo, mi tía era de las que lloraba por mí de la manera que nadie lo hubiese hecho. Su corazón suave se convertía en duro si alguien me hacía daño. Ella me protegió, me mostró lo que era tener emociones y estar bien con ellas. Ella me mostró fuerza de muchas maneras que ni ella sabe. Ahora vivimos esta experiencia de ser más amigas que solo familia. Ella adora a mi hijo de una forma que no puedo explicar. Gracias papá por estar ausente para así poder compartir mi vida con mi maravillosa tía.

Por último, si bien no menos importante, mi madre. Ya he  hecho un blog acerca de ella, así que los invito a leerlo. Como ella no existe otra. Deseo poder ser la mitad de madre que ella fue. Ella me enseñó el poder de la mente. Ella me mostró que todo es posible. Ella me enseñó que podíamos tener una relación excelente hasta en los momentos más difíciles.

Así que como madre te aliento a esperar esos momentos maravillosos que a veces vendrán con el dolor del presente.  Estoy segura que si le pregunto a mi mamá, ella probablemente no tenía idea de cómo esta relación prohibida con mi papa terminaría, pero termino bien. Fue fácil? A veces no lo fue, pero esos momentos difíciles me trajeron a este destino.

Para esos padres solteros, les digo sigan para adelante, vale la pena. La relación que tuve y que todavía tengo con mi mama no hubiese sido la misma si no hubiésemos pasado por esto juntas.

Y qué hay de mi papá? Están curiosos? Solo recuerdo verlo un par veces cuando era niña. Pero el no fue muy importante para mí. Cuando ya era una adulta viviendo aquí en los Estados Unidos, nos contactamos e intercambiamos unos emails y después paramos de comunicarnos. Y estuvo bien. Hace unas semanas me enteré de que sigue vivo. A veces me pregunto si él piensa acerca de mí, o si él le ha contado a alguien acerca de su hija ilegitima. Lo que sea que él haya hecho, estoy bien con eso. Tal vez él pueda leer este blog, pero la verdad no sé cómo.

De nuevo, gracias papá por estar ausente, debido a eso pude crecer en un hogar maravilloso, junto a mi mamá, abuelita y tía.

Espero chicos que disfruten de este blog. No se olviden que sus experiencias en el momento presente están formando su futuro. Estén atentos de eso y escojan crear una vida maravillosa, una vida con todo tipo de experiencias que te llevarán donde supuestamente debes estar. Agradezcan a aquellos que los dejaron y a los que se quedaron con ustedes, porque ellos serán parte de su camino maravilloso.

Yo

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To My Absent Father

To him I say thank you. To him I say that life is wonderful for me. To him I say I am glad he existed and I am grateful for him. Why would I be grateful for an absent father?

When my mom was younger (let’s say in her 20’s) she dated my dad; a professional guy who was unavailable. They fell in love and had a prohibited relationship, and from that love I came.

My amazing mother (as I have mentioned her before in other blogs) knew the position she was in and the position he was in. They tried to be part of my life, but as we all know juggling two families really does not work, my mom let him go. She let him go without hate and let him go without attachments. They decided that he can be part of my life but from a distance.

Just imagine if my dad would have been available and ready to start a family with my mom; my life would not be what it is now. It is amazing how our lives are formed with every single decision by our parents and later our own decisions. If my dad would have been present, I guess we would have lived in a big house. I might have had siblings. I might have visited my grandma and my aunt only a few times because they would have lived far away. I would have gone to very good schools. I would have had a whole other family on his side.

But no, that was not the case. Because of his absence, a lot happened. My mom decided to live independent. She had to continue to work and hire a person to watch me. That person was not nice to me, so my mom had to sacrifice her independence and we had to move with my grandma and my aunt.

You might think how terrible it is not to have a dad, how terrible to move because I was traumatized by my care taker (I made a blog about it), how terrible to deal with everything else that came as a consequence of that. But one thing I know I am sure of is that without all of my past, I would not be who I am today.

Thank you, Dad. Because of you, my mom had to move and made me spend the next 20 something years with a bigger family, my grandma and aunt. There are no words to describe my grandma or my aunt. We were blessed to have them, and I was blessed to have an absent dad.

Let's start with my grandma. She was the smartest person I know now. Too bad I didn't think that way before. She looked at the world with eyes of love, compassion, and joy. She believed in the good of people and reacted to problems in a beautiful way. She never had a mean word to say about anyone; she was an angel. She was funny, she was happy. She loved her family with so much power. She showed me the power of love.  She was a great example for me and many. Now she is not with us, but when she was, it was fun when she took care of me and fun when it became my time to take care of her. Thank you dad for being absent so I could live with my wonderful grandma.

Now let’s continue with another amazing woman in my life, my aunt. What can I say about her. She is still around and still being a great aunt. To be honest, she was not just an aunt, she was my big sister. She spoiled me so much that sometimes my mom would not agree with her, and my aunt would cry for me the way nobody would. Her soft heart would become hard when someone would hurt me. She protected me, showed me what it was to have emotions and be okay with them. She showed me strength in many ways that she even didn't know. Now we live this new experience of more being friends than just family. She adores my son in ways that I can't explain. Thank you dad for being absent so I could share my life with my wonderful aunt.

Last but not least, my mother. I already blogged about her, so I encourage you to read it. But like her there is not another one. I wish I could be half of the mother she was. She showed me the power of my mind. She showed me that everything is possible. She showed me that we can have an amazing relationship even in the hardest times.

So as a parent I encourage you to look forward to those amazing moments that will come with the pain of the present. I am sure if I ask my mom, she probably had no idea how this prohibited relationship she had with my dad would turn out, but it did well. Was it easy? Sometimes no, but those difficult moments brought me to this destination.

For those single parents, I tell you keep going: it is worth it. The relationship I had and have with my mom now would not be the same if we would not have gone through this together.

And what about my dad? Are you curious? I remember only seeing him a couple of times when I was a kid. But he was not really important to me. When I was an adult already living in the United States, we made contact and exchanged a few emails. And then we stopped communicating. And it was okay. A few weeks ago I found out he is still alive. Sometimes I wonder if he thinks about me, or if he ever told anybody about his illegitimate daughter. Whatever he did, I am okay with it. Maybe he will get to read this blog, but I’m not sure how.

Again, thank you dad for being absent so I could grow in a wonderful home, together with my mom, grandma and aunt.

I hope you guys enjoy this blog. Do not forget that your experiences in this present moment are shaping your future. Be mindful of that and choose to create an amazing life, one with all kinds of experiences that will get you where you are supposed to be. Be grateful for those that left you and stayed with you, because they will be part of your amazing journey.

Me

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